Ll ego to read "The imbalance in the world" by Amin Maalouf through the blog of Roberto Colom ( here .) Undoubtedly this is a very interesting book, especially for the clarity with which the Lebanese-born writer discusses the Arab world and its relations with the West, which at the present time is much appreciated. But I will not dwell here in this case, the reference to this work is simply thanking the idea that reading has suggested to me : parental legitimacy.
For Maalouf legitimacy "is what allows individuals and peoples to accept, without undue coercion, the authority of an institution men and found embodied in a carrier of shared values." Obviously this is a broad concept that can be applied take many forms: the relationship between citizens and their leaders, including students and their teacher, or what interests me most, between a child and its parents. The Lebanese intellectual uses the examples of Atatürk in Turkey, or of Nasser in Egypt to illustrate this idea. These leaders were able to earn the respect and even affection of its citizens, who have been able to go after them until the end of the world. Another more recent case of South Africa would be Nelson Mandela. Although polls can grant legitimacy is not necessary, as demonstrated by the case of Nasser and the post-revolutionary Fidel Castro.
Returning to the subject of parenting, psychologists who are dedicated to these issues, we usually use the term democracy to refer parents to those parents who use a teaching style characterized by the support, affection, supervision, setting limits and promoting autonomy. The term democratic style is the translation of the Anglo-Saxon "authoritative style, and perhaps a translation has not been very lucky. Many parents are often very literal interpretation of the term that leads them to be in a relationship of equal power with their children that can lead to situations of clear permissiveness, with absence of the exercise of parental authority. However, the solution is not authoritarianism, which has negative consequences more than shown for the child and adolescent development.
parental legitimacy, however, would be a healthy exercise of power without much resistance had by children and adolescents. When parents get that legitimacy is more appreciated by their children, discipline is more respected and their advice and values \u200b\u200bare taken into account. When children are young is not hard to achieve this legitimacy, but keep it from of adolescence is more complicated, since after puberty will be some deidealization of parental figures as a result of increased adolescent's psychological maturity. Something similar happens in the relationship between teachers and students.
I do not think there are recipes to preserve that legitimacy, even though I have some ideas, like having some waist and patience to take those first moments of adolescence, which usually increases parent-child conflict, without produce excessive distancing. Or show parental behavior models consistent with what we preach. Or to be sensitive to their changing needs, very different from previous years. O treat with respect, avoiding insults and defamatory appellants. And above all, supporting them in those moments of uncertainty that any boy or girl has to cross over from adolescence. It is not easy, but worth it.
