anto T men and women differ in the way we express our feelings in close emotional relationships: friendships, parent-child and, above all, a couple. Thus, some people feel comfortable and secure in this type of relationship, emotionally engage intensively without fear, seeking physical contact and express their feelings openly. In contrast, others expressed great anxiety and fear of romantic relationships, show how unfounded jealous, attention seeking and signs of affection, are extremely sticky, and end harass their partners. Finally, we could find women and especially men, who are very cold in these relationships, to such an extent that in extreme cases they avoid the emotional involvement and hard to bond, preferring casual. Although the typology may be richer, I think these three types of subjects are the most recognizable.
The question likely will be doing the reader interested in the topic, is why we differ so much in our ways of love? The answer lies in our childhood, especially in relationships with our fathers and mothers in the first years of life. Ie, the type of attachment or emotional bond established (see here ). No wonder that in these early relationships in which close physical contact and expression of feelings are essential, we have learned a form of love that we will then generalized to other types of relationships. Parental availability, affection, attention to our have generated a model needs insurance, which led us to trust in others and in ourselves: we want and deserve to others deserve our affection. If, however, availability was not total, and caregivers showed erratic behavior regarding the care of these needs, the model constructed included some uncertainty and anxiety, because you never know with certainty what the parental behavior to our needs. Finally, when parents or mothers showed a little lack of attention to our needs and very limited availability, education taken was clear: we must be self-sufficient and we must avoid at all costs to establish close relations to depend emotionally on other people because we can never trust them, the emotional coldness is a shell that will protect us.
Clearly, the models constructed in childhood may be altered, especially during the first decades of life, based on our experiences in relationships with people other than our caregivers: family, friends and, above all, partners. However, most studies find enough continuity in attachment patterns throughout the life cycle.
One of the most widely used psychometric instruments to evaluate our models of attachment in romantic relationships is the Experiences in Close Relationships-Revised ECR-R-(Fraley, Waller & Brennan, 2000), revised version of the questionnaire prepared by Brennan, Clark, and Shaver's (1998), Experiences in Close Relationships (ECR).
This instrument has two scales or dimensions:
The question likely will be doing the reader interested in the topic, is why we differ so much in our ways of love? The answer lies in our childhood, especially in relationships with our fathers and mothers in the first years of life. Ie, the type of attachment or emotional bond established (see here ). No wonder that in these early relationships in which close physical contact and expression of feelings are essential, we have learned a form of love that we will then generalized to other types of relationships. Parental availability, affection, attention to our have generated a model needs insurance, which led us to trust in others and in ourselves: we want and deserve to others deserve our affection. If, however, availability was not total, and caregivers showed erratic behavior regarding the care of these needs, the model constructed included some uncertainty and anxiety, because you never know with certainty what the parental behavior to our needs. Finally, when parents or mothers showed a little lack of attention to our needs and very limited availability, education taken was clear: we must be self-sufficient and we must avoid at all costs to establish close relations to depend emotionally on other people because we can never trust them, the emotional coldness is a shell that will protect us.
Clearly, the models constructed in childhood may be altered, especially during the first decades of life, based on our experiences in relationships with people other than our caregivers: family, friends and, above all, partners. However, most studies find enough continuity in attachment patterns throughout the life cycle.
One of the most widely used psychometric instruments to evaluate our models of attachment in romantic relationships is the Experiences in Close Relationships-Revised ECR-R-(Fraley, Waller & Brennan, 2000), revised version of the questionnaire prepared by Brennan, Clark, and Shaver's (1998), Experiences in Close Relationships (ECR).
This instrument has two scales or dimensions:
- Anxiety in the relationship: ie, worry, insecurity, jealousy and fear of losing the partner.
- Avoidance : feelings of discomfort in relationships, they will tend therefore to be avoided.
From these two dimensions gave rise to four types or models of adult attachment:
1. Insurance : low anxiety and low avoidance.
2. Concerned : high anxiety and low avoidance.
3. Fearful : high anxiety and high avoidance.
4. Self-Sufficient (Dimissing): low anxiety and high avoidance.
Want to know your type of attachment? You can complete the test and get the answer here. Although you advance that is in English.
Fraley, RC, Waller, NG, & Brennan, KA (2000). An item-response theory analysis of self-report Measures of adult attachment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 350-365. ***
If I had the heart,
the same as lost.
If you forget to
yesterday destroyed it, and could love you, hug me
your illusion
to mourn your love.
.
Enrique Santos Discépolo
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